About Your Hostess: How I Came to Learn and Love the Softness of Men (and Why It Changed Everything)

My name is Erica Leroye, and I have the great honor of carrying forward the movement that is It Doesn’t Have To Be Hard.

Meeting Michelle Renee and Saying Yes

I met Michelle Renee in early 2023 through the Intimacy Professionals Group she hosted. From the very first meeting I was blown away by her knowledge, enthusiasm, professionalism, curiosity, and her authentic desire to build community—especially for those of us daring to be touch professionals working at the intersection of sex education, sexual health, and sex therapy.

On one of our calls she mentioned Soft Cock Week, and my whole being perked up with enthusiasm. I offered to help behind the scenes, get a sense of the mission and values, and ended up being a supportive sounding board as she shaped a project that felt like an “enthusiastic yes” in her own body. When she later told me her work was taking a new direction and asked if I’d like to step in as Hostess / Creative Director, it was a full-bodied yes for me too.

Falling in Love with a Soft Penis

I love a soft cock to play with and learn from. My first experience of truly falling head-over-heels for a soft penis came in my early 40s. My partner at the time had what he called “erectile flow issues” due to “psychological trauma from a past relationship.” Like many men I’ve met since, he found joy in his skills as a giver. That was delightful, but I’m a woman who enjoys penetrative sex.

Rather than shame or denigrate my lover for how his body worked, we used that natural ebb and flow to broaden our definition of sex—of what it could mean to share our bodies, hearts, and ecstatic energies.I delighted in feeling his changing shape in my mouth, my hand, my vagina. I loved watching his body light up as I took my time with his cock, curious about how the nerve endings signaled pleasure through his body and up to his brain. We were in our oxytocin bubble, deeply in love, sharing ourselves in ways I had never imagined possible.

When his penis needed a rest, we found other ways to keep the erotic energy moving between us. We discovered turn-ons that had been buried and new ones that surprised us as they emerged. There was no pressure for his penis to perform—only an invitation that our time together was sacred, fun, and rejuvenating. It was a learning curve, but we discovered that vital “cock energy” existed, even flourished, when the body was flaccid.

When Love Became a Lesson in Loss

In my desire to care for the tender psychology and speak only praise to my beloved, I held my tongue about something I had been noticing. We had remediated the blood flow—he had regained a girth and stamina he was proud of—but I sensed something happening in the ejaculatory system. He was having retrograde ejaculation, where the ejaculate is absorbed back into the body instead of exiting the urethra.

His orgasms were like Tantra—fabulous in their own way—but I missed that final release, the one that lights up my own system in response. Still, I stayed quiet. And then, at the height of our relationship, weeks after he proposed marriage, my beloved died in his sleep of undiagnosed diabetes. In hindsight, the “ebb and flow” and the retrograde ejaculation had been the tell.

What I thought was loving restraint—keeping my observations to myself—turned out to be a fatal silence. My life fell apart that year, the grief enormous. From that pain came a new purpose: to de-mystify the international erectile epidemic and make sure no one loses their life or the life of someone they love because we don’t talk openly about what’s happening with men’s bodies.

So when Michelle asked if I would take over Soft Cock Week, it felt like the natural next step.

De-Mystifying the Erectile Epidemic

That commitment—to bring light, language, and levity to men’s sexual health—set me on an unexpected journey.As I began speaking publicly about erectile flow, pelvic health, and oxytocin-based regulation, I met some of the most extraordinary people working at the forefront of sex tech, sexual medicine, sex education, and research. Doctors, therapists, inventors, pelvic PTs, data scientists, and artists—all of us chasing the same question: What if sexual function were treated as an integrated part of human health, not an afterthought?

Those collaborations taught me that innovation doesn’t only happen in clinics or labs—it happens in conversation, between people willing to talk about what’s been hidden.That’s what It Doesn’t Have To Be Hard is becoming: a collaborative hub, a bridge between professionals and the public, a gathering place for people who believe that curiosity, humor, and compassion can transform the way we talk about—and care for—men’s bodies.

This is community as medicine.Every shared story, every provider resource, every candid conversation brings us closer to a world where soft isn’t a failure, it’s a beginning.

A Career of Listening to Bodies

I became a Certified Sexological Bodyworker in 2012, the country’s only Board of Secondary Education approved vocational training specifically for genital-focused bodywork.Since then I’ve met countless phalluses, each with something to teach me about its journey. I’ve worked with penises that will never get hard again due to medical complications and with ones that have been soft for years—or decades—and have reawakened under my tutelage.

Together, my clients and I delineate what is physical, physiological, psychological, or existential, and release the unnecessary pressure to perform in the pursuit of health and pleasure. Again and again, I’ve seen how terrible most of our sex education has been—and how a basic lack of acceptance for the natural variability of the penis wreaks havoc on the mind and relationships alike.

Consciousness-Raising, Then and Now

Growing up in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, I witnessed the Women’s Liberation and Consciousness Raising movements help women learn about our bodies, speak openly about our fears and desires, and transform public-health outcomes. Breast, ovarian, and cervical-cancer rates declined because we demanded education and funding.

Meanwhile, prostate cancer remains the second leading cause of cancer death in men, and early screening is still not a given. Tremendous strides have been made in pelvic health for pre- and postpartum women, yet few practitioners specialize in male pelvic pain or male pelvic pleasure. Conversations about menopause are blooming—but where are the conversations about andropause and the natural changes in the male body over time?

Traditional media now represents a wider range of female bodies, but not nearly enough diversity in male form or function. It’s still a battle, but as someone who started in alternative health for women back in 1991, I’ve seen how persistence, community, and research funding can change everything.

As a parent, partner, and advocate for Black men, who are at highest risk for death when sexual-health issues are ignored or avoided, breaking the silence is even more critical.

We Are In This Together

The arousal system is complex—many moving parts must work together. And as the world keeps spinning towards anxiety and unknowns, finding time to share how we breathe and balance is crucial. As educators and professionals, the more we share our expertise, the more we can innovate truly holistic approaches.As artists and content creators, the more images we offer of bodies in all shapes and states, the more permission we give for real erotic diversity.As seekers, the more we share our stories, questions, and wisdom, the more we dissolve fear and shame around caring for the wonder that is the penis—soft, hard, and everything delicious in between.

I look forward to being on this journey with you and seeing what arises as the year unfolds. Please feel free to reach out. I'm an email gal, itdoesnthave2b@proton.me or if you'd like to explore 1-1 with me, find me at CreativeBodyRelease.com.

💜 We Are In This Together. Erica